~what if i did?~

I thought about sending you this link, the one that would bring you here. but then i wondered how that would turn out.. and it scared me... so i didnt. its kinda like that picture you sent me, if i sent you this link, would you close your curtains? i really cant see which option bothers me more, completely rendering my self empty, spilling all that i fill on the ground for you (i fell safe in the fact you wouldn't laugh at me) or stay as i am.. in the dark as to how things are.
Yeah, i know... i could just ask you.. but if i could do that, well, then i wouldn't need this marble sanctuary of a website to keep from self-distructing. i know i can talk to you, and i know your honest with me, but i dont like feeling weak.. and thats what spilling this makes me feel, complete and utter weakness.

-I found it funny-

yea, i was talking to a friend tonight and he was down about his situation. he asked if it was ok not to be incredibly enthused seeing as his heart was to a girl in his town. i told him i knew how it was, once your in love, it takes a lot to free yourself... if you want to. anyway, . he asked me if you were one of those people who were flerty, i think he said "giving you all the landing signs then puling you runway out from under you".
I had to laugh, we both know how you are. but i told him it didn't confuze me anymore me anymore. in truth it doesnt. this led to me having to give him love-life advice. Funny no? me of all people. the guy who feels he cant get a girl to fall for him if he broke her legs. i felt to explain it to him the best i could i had to lay out my mind. so i did.
he viewed things as i would a month ago, "All things are done for the gratification of the self" and i felt an odd twist at this. it made me think, and when i did i came to the conclusion that i dont do that for you. i do things for you solely to see you happy, even if whats making you happy kills me (emotionally speaking). i told him it hasn't come to that yet, which was also my response to him asking me weather or not you being happy with someone else was acceptable to me. but to the second i had to add "as long as shes happy its all for the good"

-As long as it takes..

ok, i get it. I'm great, but i still believe you to be a better human, person, and all around entity. i may sound stupid sometimes, but its only because i feel theres something wrong with me. yes, i know, We've been over that to. "It's not you, its me" you say and if you haven't said it you have definitely implied it to the point i cant hear you saying it.
You scare me, you know that? not you so much as a person, but the thought of me telling you how i feel in its entirety. you take a huge risk putting your heart in someone elses hand, but i guess you know that. I've spent the better part of a year so far trying to tell you exactly what im thinking, and i might have once or twice. but we both know we're waiting on you. im fine with that, i wouldn't trade a day of wondering what you were thinking, if you were thinking about me, for an entire lifetime having someone else tell me how much they loved me.
Honestly, it wouldn't be worth it. you make my day a better span solely by existing, i can wait as long as it takes to be that person for you. but until then, im here for you, no matter what problem you face, remember that.